My blogging theme in 2024 has been how to make the most of your limited time. In my January post, I summarized the takeaways from an HBR article I often recommend to my clients, How CEOs Manage Time. In April, I shared the Eisenhower matrix, which helps you determine which things on our plate are urgent, and which are important, and how to spend your time accordingly.
There is another concept that is equally important when it comes to effective time usage – the ability to say “no”. I often work with leaders who have been successful because they are “do-ers” that are known for their ability to get things done. But as you move up in leadership, you need to devote time to activities expected of leaders, such as developing a vision and the strategy to achieve it. You will not find extra hours in your day; so you need to cut down on other activities. While it might feel uncomfortable or difficult, here are some ways you can make “no” a part of your regular vocabulary.
Know your priorities. The first step in learning to say “no” is knowing what to say “no” to. This means taking time to figure out what is most important and how you want to be spending your time. One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard is, “Every time you say ‘yes’ to something, you are saying ‘no’ to something else.” We each get 24 hours in every day, and it is up to you to control how you use them. An exercise I do with my clients is have them track two weeks of how much time they spend on what activities. Then determine the ideal picture of how you want to spend your time, both at work and outside of work. Understanding the shifts you need to make to get from here to there can help you decide when to say “no.”
Understand your fears. If we say “yes” when we really want to say “no,” it is frequently because we have some fears or concerns around saying “no.” If you do not understand this underlying driver, you will have a hard time changing your behavior. When someone makes a request of you, bring awareness to the moment by asking yourself what you’re thinking and how you are feeling. For example, are you overwhelmed because you have so much else on your plate? Worried other people will think you are not a good teammate? With this insight, you can ask yourself (1) if your concerns are real or imagined, and (2) what you can do to address them, to help you feel more comfortable with saying “no.”
Practice, practice, practice. I used to help teach self-defense classes for women. The first activity was telling everyone to stand up tall and loudly and firmly say, “No!” Every time, most of the class felt very uncomfortable with this exercise. Common reactions were to remain quiet, say “no” in a low or normal voice, or laugh and feel sheepish. But after modeling and encouraging this behavior, it would not take long for the class to warm up to it. Five minutes later, everyone would be shouting “NO!!!” at the top of their lungs. This might not be an effective workplace tactic, but it is a powerful embodiment of defining and enforcing boundaries, and in developing the comfort level to do so. Try low-risk situations to start saying “no,” like to the person who comes to your door selling you siding. (Unless you really need new siding). Like anything, the more you do it, the easier it gets. And remember, you can be firm, kind, and respectful all at once – enforcing your boundaries does not mean you need to tromp on someone else’s.
Saying “no” is no different than any other skill or habit – it takes deliberate effort to cultivate. But if you want to spend your days on what really matters to you, take the time to develop and flex this muscle.